Lullabye

One of my favorite lines from a country song belongs to Lady Antebellum's "American Honey". This line became especially relevant to me before I left for England. I was going to be gone for the longest I'd ever been away from home, and I was leaving behind many things I loved in order to have an adventure of learning. The line goes, "Couldn't wait to get goin' - but wasn't quite ready to leave."

I find it fascinating that the human emotions have the capacity to feel restlessness, excitement, and anticipation at the same time as apprehension, anxiety, and yearning for younger days. All of these came to a head as I sat in the kitchen with my mother as we listened to the men of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sing "Lullabye (Goodnight My Angel)".

Goodnight, my angel
Time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me
I think you know what I've been trying to say
I promised I would never leave you
And you should always know
Wherever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be far away


Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay
And like a boat out on the ocean
I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark and deep
Inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me


Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be
Someday your child may cry
And if you sing this lullabye
Then in your heart
There will always be a part of me


Someday we'll all be gone
But lullabyes go on and on
They never die
That's how you 
And I
Will be


-Billy Joel

As I listen to this song, I sometimes picture my mom singing this to me during a wonderful, blissful childhood and grieve over the fact that I must grow up. But then an image of me holding my own child creeps into my mind, and suddenly I am the one singing this song. Am I ready for that? I think of all I've done over the past few years and all I plan to do over the next few years, and I am tempted to slow down. Wishing I could change seconds into minutes, minutes into hours, and hours into days, I realize that my role in the world will soon change. Soon it will be my turn to sing the lullabyes and encourage the dreaming just as my mother did to me.

I'm scared, but I have experienced extraordinary outcomes of recent scary leaps of faith. Whatever happens in the next few years will probably surprise many people - probably me most of all. Who knows? I know it will be wonderful.

I can't wait.